BECK ON BEANS: Death Wish Coffee

Death Wish Coffee

SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY!!! Theydies and Gentlethems! 

For ONE day only....

ONE.

DAY. 

ONLY.

Witness the power, the reckless application of heat, the untamed caffeination of ....

#BECK versus DEATH WISH COFFEEEEEEEEE!!

*Michael Bay style drumsplosion* 

That’s right! For ONE DAY ONLY, #BeckThinks takes on the coffee that is so metal, it comes in a plastic effin KCup. *electric guitar sound effect* 🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻

You should only miss this punishing review if you’re dead or in jail and if you’re in jail, IT’S BECAUSE YOU DON’T DRINK DEATH WISH COFFEEEEEEEE!! 

🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

*indistinctive gutteral roaring noises*

🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

(Okay. You get it. Professional arena announcer, metal band, yadayada haha. You definitely won’t go to jail because you don’t drink this coffee. Juuuuust to clarify.) 

Fragrance:  Just when you think it’s safe to ease into your day, Death Wish Coffee gives zero f*cks. This viscous liquid as black as your tortured heart will break your nose with deep cocoa, sugarcane, and black pepper written on its brass knuckles. *insert second electric guitar sound* 🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻🖕🏻🖕🏻🖕🏻🖕🏻

Flavor: Much like most aging Metal gods, the brew was surprisingly fruity. And I’m here for it! Granted, it also tastes a bit like licking old grounds, but I’m proud of it for really being itself. The cocoa is so strong that it dries the tongue and goes down like a shot of bourbon. 

Recommended for: 

1. Supergroups: Everybody knows that Audioslave was greater than the sum of its parts. This coffee will hold up to your froofy drink recipes, your baking, your anything. This brew is ready to be a legend among legends and it will make itself known. *enter: Slash*

2. BONUS: If you have a Vitamix Aerdisc accessory or an awesome blender of some sort, hubby has done genius things with some cold Death Wish, some cold coconut milk, and some sugar. He made a foam from the 1/3 cup of each ingredient and added that to more cold Death Wish to taste. Real Metal Gods make froofy coffee drinks for their adoring wives. 

Not recommended for: 

1. Take your delicate palettes elsewhere. This brew is as strong as that mouth-breathing, unbathed, twitching, trench-coated, knuckle-dragger who starts the pits at GWAR shows. 

2. Black - Everyone knows Metallica sold out the minute they released the Black album. (Okay. I don’t actually believe that. I’m one of those weirdos who think S&M and Death Magnetic are among their top albums. However, I’m going with this metal thing.... so.... 🤷🏼‍♀️🤘🏻🔥🎸🖕🏻🤷🏼‍♀️) The point is, this stuff is really strong. The only reason to drink it black is to prove that you won’t get diarrhea right afterwards. 

Would I buy again?

If I had some recipe that called for coffee, yes. It’s perfect for that. Otherwise, call me a poseur all you want. I’ll be over here listening to The Indigo Girls and drinking coffee that isn’t so concerned about proving itself.