BECK ON BEANS: Guy Fieri Guy’s American Diner Blend

-


Guy Fieri Guy’s American Diner Blend


Is this coffee gonna take me to flavor town in a flame job classic convertible that I don’t actually drive? I’d bet my Hip Youth Pastor by Affliction styling kit it will. 


Fragrance: 

It smells like cookies. Not really good cookies. Like the cookies left over from the 100 calorie variety pack that languish in your pantry until your next do-or-die sugar craving. Those. Throw in some heavy carbon and a hint of cocoa. That’s the smell. 


Flavor (town):

It tastes a little like those boring cookies, too. Except burnt versions.


“American Diner Coffee” = “Expensive Waffle House Coffee.” 


*reaches for the milk and sugar* 


Recommended for: 

  1. Icing. This would make great coffee ice cubes for your triple mocha wacky frappajappa dinglechino with five pumps of fairy tears. 
  2. Heavy additives. And possibly a pecan waffle. 


Not recommended for:

  1. Sipping and savoring. I can feel this coffee rotting my teeth. 
  2. Paying more than $0.99 for endless refills while you pound your drunken fourth meal.


Would I buy this again? 

No. I might not even take it for free. Even after I put flavored creamer in, it tore up my stomach and still had me searching for some scattered, smothered, and covered to wash it down. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

BeckEats: Arden’s Garden Green Energy Machine Cold Pressed Vegetable Juice

-
Image
  BeckEats: Arden’s Garden Cold Pressed Vegetable Juice, Green Energy Machine.     Welcome back to the #BeckThinks blog! Thank you for your patience on my short hiatus. I was busy helping move my family back to my hometown of Atlanta. We bought a home in the suburbs that we have deemed "The Treehouse" and we could not be happier.      In celebration of my family's eager return to The A, I'd like to highlight an Atlanta business that has been part of my consciousness for the majority of my life, Arden's Garden. But first, let's back up a step. As I may have previously mentioned, I have multiple food allergies and sensitivities that I’ve adjusted to over the last year. The short list includes gluten, dairy, nightshades (dried spices seem mildly reactive), stone fruits, and raw birch fruits (oral allergy syndrome). * sings* AND A PARTRIDGE IN A PEAAAAAR TREEEEEE! (Ironically, I’m not allergic to either of those things. Merry Christmas, me....
Read more

"In God's Country" by Beck Duffield

-
  In God’s country, poverty is a myth.  In God’s country, racism doesn’t exist. In God’s country, every neighborhood is your kind of neighborhood. In God’s country, you can pronounce everything on the menu and converse easily with the waitstaff.  In God’s country, everyone knows the lyrics of “The Devil Went Down to Georgia.” In God’s country, everyone stands for the same flag, sings the same songs, holds the same hats over the same hearts.  In God’s country, there’s always a cold beer waiting for you at the end of a long day. Or the beginning of one. Or both. In God’s country, Sundays are for church and football.  In God’s country, the only tattoos are military symbols and bible verses.  In God’s country, everyone is armed to the teeth.  In God’s country, your kids would never dream of deciding to be gay.  In God’s country, your son gets his ass kicked for wearing a dress to prom.  In God’s country, you’ll drop a $20 in the plate but call th...
Read more

BECK ON BEANS: Death Wish Coffee

-
Image
Death Wish Coffee SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY!!! Theydies and Gentlethems!  For ONE day only.... ONE. DAY.  ONLY. Witness the power, the reckless application of heat, the untamed caffeination of .... #BECK versus DEATH WISH COFFEEEEEEEEE!! *Michael Bay style drumsplosion*  That’s right! For ONE DAY ONLY, #BeckThinks takes on the coffee that is so metal, it comes in a plastic effin KCup. *electric guitar sound effect* 🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻 You should only miss this punishing review if you’re dead or in jail and if you’re in jail, IT’S BECAUSE YOU DON’T DRINK DEATH WISH COFFEEEEEEEE!!  🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 *indistinctive gutteral roaring noises* 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 (Okay. You get it. Professional arena announcer, metal band, yadayada haha. You definitely won’t go to jail because you don’t drink this coffee. Juuuuust to clarify.)  Fragrance:  Just when you think it’s safe to ease into your day, Death W...
Read more